Basically, I miss my life

When my facebook status last week listed a few of the things I am missing about the Bay Area, my friend Hank responded with, “So basically, you miss your life.” Yes, that’s exactly right.

I took this picture of the Bay Bridge on my way to eating dinner with the girls at my friend Kelly's house. She lives near Coit Tower in San Francisco's North Beach neighborhood.

Of course I have somewhat of a life in Albuquerque. But I spent three years getting to know the huge metropolitan area that is the Bay, the culture, the food, the people. The months before I left I fell into a routine, or life, that made me happy. Without trying, my weeks were full with dinners, hiking, parties, dance classes, long city walks, sports events, etc. I still feel as though any day now I am going to return to that life; like I’m on some sort of extended vacation in New Mexico. I suppose it’s that sort of thinking that can hinder me from building a life here. It’s thinking about what I would be doing right this instant if I still lived in San Francisco that makes my days longer and lonelier.

A quick weekend get away landed us on the beach in Santa Cruz, having a picnic with wine and acoustic guitar.

The truth is, I have been meeting new people and keeping myself fairly busy. I have been gradually building a new life. But with growth come the growing pains. And with growing pains there is inevitable self doubt. I could still have my life, I sometimes think.And there’s a constant internal struggle of how much I let go and how much I hang on to. It bores people to be talking constantly about another place, people they've never met, and soon, another time.

The curveballs life threw at me during my time in California have left me with a much stronger appreciation for life. It’s because of my heartaches that I was able to build a life that made me so happy and that I now miss so terribly. So as I sat here pondering my old life, I realized that the best thing I can do is learn from it. I had much longer, harder, lonelier days when I was living in the Bay Area. And those days were what gave me the motivation to move forward, chin up, heart open. It’s time for me to find again what makes me happy each day and do it. It’s time to learn who I should spend time with in order to make me feel good about myself. It’s time to appreciate what my old life gave me, maintain those lifelong friendships, and build a new life I would be missing if I left tomorrow. 

47 beef and bean burritos in 10 minutes

image via gawker.com

Looks like San Jose, Calif.'s hometown hero, aka Joey Chestnut, hot dog eating machine, took to the New Mexico State Fair to dominate at burrito eating. Is there nothing this man can't eat at record speed?

Dear Bay Area, We Need to Talk...

Yesterday I went outside to discover my car missing. WTF? Did it get towed? Nope. Only conclusion? Some punk Haight street kids hotwired it and took off on a joy ride (or some such thing).

Then it hit me when I woke up this morning... wait, I parked it on Haight, not Broderick. That was the one street of my neighborhood I hadn't walked on when searching for it. And lo and behold, there it was. I had reported it stolen.. I mean, I was like 95% positive I had parked it on Broderick. That's because I had, but thought better of it and moved it to Haight.

And man, I know my nickname is "Spacey Lacey," but that's a whole new level. It's "crazy, insane, out-of-her mind Spacey Lacey."

What brought about my realization that my car was indeed on Haight street was that I remembered my roommate sending me a distressing text message. I had gotten so upset when I read it, that I just plain stopped to think about where I was. So when I went out to check on my car I went to the place I was sure I had parked it (even though I had only parked it there for a minute??).

Life in California offers me so much that I can't get back home. For instance, it was not hard to get to work without a car - I do that most days. I can ride my bike to the ocean. I can walk to Golden Gate Park (and world class museums). I can taste some of the best food in the world. Sometimes it's 70 degrees in January. I can check out so many live music shows it makes my head spin. Every weekend there is something new to do (well, nearly).

Starting in high school, I dreamed of moving away to California. So in a way, when I moved here, I achieved a dream. And I feel that in a large part, I have lived it. I have made some really good friends and scraped by to take advantage of a lifestyle I have grown quite fond of. But in the last year, my resolve has strengthened to... well, grow up. At first, I thought there was no way I'd leave here. You'd have to get me on a plane kicking and screaming to leave this place I love so much.

These days though, I am starting to think that California doesn't really love me back. I love my job, but can't make a living out of it. I love my flat and my neighborhood, but the roommate situation has not been easy. I love my friends, but have dealt with a number of stressful social situations. I feel a constant pressure to find a good job, to make more money, to make more friends. I am equating the lost car with my lost mind. I feel like I've finally lost it.

Plus the big one: the one thing California will always be lacking. Family.

When I was working in DC, one of the techs started asking me questions about New Mexico and what my plans were for my future. At that time I wanted to continue living on the east coast, so that's what I told him. Then he told me some strange story about migratory birds who always return to the same body of water. I gave him a confused look, and he said, "We're meant to be where we were raised. It's biological." And I didn't really believe him at the time, and I don't think it's true for everyone, but the idea of "home" being Albuquerque for me is starting to make more sense.

In addition to the niece who will be showing her pretty face in April, extended members of my family are also having children. There's nine-month-old Madison, daughter of my "second brother," Sean. And of course, twin Fleming boys arriving in June.

All these new additions pull at the heart strings, of course. But lately I have been realizing more that I would rather be around for small family gatherings on Friday evenings than partying in the Mission. Sure, I wish I could be near my family and a stones throw from the Pacific Ocean, but for now, that's not happening.

So, with all that said, I think the time has come for me to head home. I still feel like I have a lot to learn from my job, and that there is unfinished business that needs taking care of. But I am 95% sure that 2010 is the year I grow up and move home. (We'll see if I'm as right about this as I was about my car being parked on Broderick)....

Speeding to the future

What it's like to have a thinking president in office - high speed rail in Americaaa! From whitehouse.gov:

What we’re talking about is a vision for high-speed rail in America. Imagine boarding a train in the center of a city. No racing to an airport and across a terminal, no delays, no sitting on the tarmac, no lost luggage, no taking off your shoes. (Laughter.) Imagine whisking through towns at speeds over 100 miles an hour, walking only a few steps to public transportation, and ending up just blocks from your destination. Imagine what a great project that would be to rebuild America.

Now, all of you know this is not some fanciful, pie-in-the-sky vision of the future. It is now. It is happening right now. It’s been happening for decades. The problem is it’s been happening elsewhere, not here.

In France, high-speed rail has pulled regions from isolation, ignited growth, remade quiet towns into thriving tourist destinations. In Spain, a high-speed line between Madrid and Seville is so successful that more people travel between those cities by rail than by car and airplane combined. China, where service began just two years ago, may have more miles of high-speed rail service than any other country just five years from now. And Japan, the nation that unveiled the first high-speed rail system, is already at work building the next: a line that will connect Tokyo with Osaka at speeds of over 300 miles per hour. So it’s being done; it’s just not being done here.

There’s no reason why we can’t do this. This is America. There’s no reason why the future of travel should lie somewhere else beyond our borders. Building a new system of high-speed rail in America will be faster, cheaper and easier than building more freeways or adding to an already overburdened aviation system –- and everybody stands to benefit.

Uhh... everyone? I can't help but notice a huge gaping hole in the map of proposed tracks.























(click through to see full picture)
My initial reaction is to ask, how can Obama leave us out? The mountain west swing states that were crucial to his campaign strategy are out of the loop. Four of the fastest growing cities in the US (Phoenix, Albuquerque, El Paso and Denver) and the fifth largest city (Phoenix) in the United States are probably the most starved for mass transit and noticeably missing out on a chance to join America in the 21st Century.

But perhaps we were left out due to geograhic reasons. It can't be easy building high speed rail through mountains with elevations upwards of 14,000 feet. Maybe my grandchildren will see mass transportation in New Mexico and the greater Southwest. Meanwhile, I will selfishly take advantage of my life as a coastie and take trips to San Diego at lightning speed. Future, here I come!