Basically, I miss my life

When my facebook status last week listed a few of the things I am missing about the Bay Area, my friend Hank responded with, “So basically, you miss your life.” Yes, that’s exactly right.

I took this picture of the Bay Bridge on my way to eating dinner with the girls at my friend Kelly's house. She lives near Coit Tower in San Francisco's North Beach neighborhood.

Of course I have somewhat of a life in Albuquerque. But I spent three years getting to know the huge metropolitan area that is the Bay, the culture, the food, the people. The months before I left I fell into a routine, or life, that made me happy. Without trying, my weeks were full with dinners, hiking, parties, dance classes, long city walks, sports events, etc. I still feel as though any day now I am going to return to that life; like I’m on some sort of extended vacation in New Mexico. I suppose it’s that sort of thinking that can hinder me from building a life here. It’s thinking about what I would be doing right this instant if I still lived in San Francisco that makes my days longer and lonelier.

A quick weekend get away landed us on the beach in Santa Cruz, having a picnic with wine and acoustic guitar.

The truth is, I have been meeting new people and keeping myself fairly busy. I have been gradually building a new life. But with growth come the growing pains. And with growing pains there is inevitable self doubt. I could still have my life, I sometimes think.And there’s a constant internal struggle of how much I let go and how much I hang on to. It bores people to be talking constantly about another place, people they've never met, and soon, another time.

The curveballs life threw at me during my time in California have left me with a much stronger appreciation for life. It’s because of my heartaches that I was able to build a life that made me so happy and that I now miss so terribly. So as I sat here pondering my old life, I realized that the best thing I can do is learn from it. I had much longer, harder, lonelier days when I was living in the Bay Area. And those days were what gave me the motivation to move forward, chin up, heart open. It’s time for me to find again what makes me happy each day and do it. It’s time to learn who I should spend time with in order to make me feel good about myself. It’s time to appreciate what my old life gave me, maintain those lifelong friendships, and build a new life I would be missing if I left tomorrow.